Adulting Without Instructions™
The Karenverse
Meet the people and things quietly running your life.
Nancy
The Professional Smile
Nancy believes in structure.
And consequences.
And “owning your role.”
She speaks in calm sentences, documents everything, and refers to cruelty as “feedback” as long as it’s formatted correctly. She is composed, capable, and quietly unraveling behind a perfectly scheduled calendar.
Nancy doesn’t hate Karen.
She needs her — as proof that control still works.
The Dog
Pure Id. No Apologies.
The Dog wants what it wants, when it wants it.
It responds to yelling with escalation, communicates exclusively through destruction, and lives completely unburdened by guilt, shame, or professionalism.
The Dog doesn’t care about your schedule.
And somehow… It’s the most honest one in the room.
Karen
The Human Pressure Valve
Karen is not dramatic.
She’s exhausted.
She’s late, loud, emotionally honest at the wrong volume, and always one minor inconvenience away from a breakdown she’ll apologize for later. She is punished for saying the quiet part out loud, written up for being human, and expected to perform gratitude while drowning.
Karen isn’t failing at adulthood.
She’s just refusing to pretend it’s fine.
The Car
The Unpaid Therapist
The Car feels everything.
Every slammed door.
Every spilled coffee.
Every rage-filled commute where time, money, and regret fight for control of the wheel.
It doesn’t judge.
It just absorbs.
The Car knows where you’re going, even when you don’t — and resents being dragged along anyway.
The Deadbeat
The Math You Can’t Outrun
Deadbeat wakes up before the alarm — not rested, just alerted.
Money leaves faster than it arrives. Every receipt feels personal. Every balance notification feels like an insult. He carries guilt without instruction and responsibility without margin.
Deadbeat isn’t irresponsible.
He’s just living in a system that charges interest on survival.
The Phone
The All-Seeing Witness
The Phone remembers everything.
Balances. Screenshots. Timestamps.
Every text you shouldn’t have sent.
Every one you didn’t.
It vibrates like a warning system and lights up like an accusation. It knows the truth before you admit it and keeps receipts just in case you forget.
The Phone isn’t the problem.
It just refuses to lie for you.